Not So Different
by AmyFelton123
Summary: We kissed, it wasn't right but it felt good. It felt like I had forgotten who I was and who she was and just, lived.       Written for the Cross House Dating Challenge!


_**A/N: This is my story for the Cross House Dating Challenge from Head-In-Disarray, The pairing was Harry/Pansy and my prompt was Protection. This is my first challenge so I hope you like it! **_

I, as usual, could _not _sleep. This was the way it had been for the past five and a half years, ever since I had entered Hogwarts. The noises of the grounds and Ron's incessant snores plagued my mind until my attempts at getting to sleep were less than useless. I always drew the curtains around my bed, this blocked out any light that might prevent me from sleeping. As usual though, it made no difference. And when I finally did manage to get to sleep for a few hours, I was bombarded by nightmares and horrific images. All I wanted was one good night's sleep, was that really too much to ask? In my world, yes, it is. I turned onto my side and gazed at the worn, gold and red curtain. I let out a breath of frustration and turned again so I was face down in my pillow, which masked the groan I let out. Why couldn't I just get a few minutes sleep? After a few more seconds of wallowing, I sat up leaning against the Headboard of the bed. The carvings in to dug into my back uncomfortably and I squirmed to find a comfortable positions, another sigh escaped my lips and I drew back the curtain slightly to glance at my alarm clock. 12:30, ugh. I quietly pulled the curtain back across and sat for a few seconds listen to the night. Suddenly, an idea came to me. I reached under my mattress and pulled out _The Marauders Map. _

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" I whispered pointing my wand at the brown, old paper. The red ink began to appear and I opened the Map, watching people roaming the castle and Dumbledore in his study. I scanned the castle for anything interesting, my eyes landed on two people who, one I expected the other was a slight shock. Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion that was odd. Malfoy was always out at this time, disappearing into the Room of Requirement but Parkinson. I had never seen her out before, their dot were not too far apart I assumed they were talking. I leant over and put my hand under my bed, I felt around for my hoddie. When I finally found it, I pulled back the covers and put on my hoddie. I slowly, so I didn't wake anyone up, drew the curtains and stepped out. I slipped on my slippers and carefully stood up. The floor boards creaked as I walked to the stairs; I made my way down them and out of the Common Room. I shivered as I walked through the icy halls, I checked the Map to make sure I was going the right way. Yes, I was on course. I was close to them they were in the next corridor, I leaned around the corner and watched.

"Pansy, just leave me alone!"

"NO DRACO! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Nothing, just stop screeching at me like a Harpy!"

"HARPY?"

"YES! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" he drew his wand and pointed it at her, I saw panic flash in her eyes as she was backed against the wall. "Pansy, if you don't leave me alone and forget about me and your stupid obsession, I won't hesitate" I saw the tears rolling down her face.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, he lowered his wand strode off. I watched for a few seconds as she stood there, like she'd been petrified. Until, in a matter of seconds her body crumbled to the floor. I could hear her sobs and strange feeling washed through me. I had never seen her like this, she was always uppity, stuck-up, pug-face Parkinson. She looked... fragile. I knew I shouldn't but I came out from around the corner and started walking towards her. It was strange, I felt pity for her. Pity for _her. _A girl who had mercilessly tormented my best friends and me, a girl who was obnoxious and unbearably annoying. I had never seen her like this. It was unnerving, still I kept heading towards her she didn't notice me until I was quite close. Her head snapped up, her eyes widened in shock then narrowed in hatred.

"Potter" she spat with venom as she stood up. "What are you doing here?" she said, turning away and wiping tears from her eyes. She didn't have to turn away.

"I... um..."

"Oh, shut it filthy half breed!" she whipped round and shot at me. I glared at her, feeling the same feelings I usually did towards her. All the pity and compassion I had felt before was instantly erased.

"You didn't even let me answer, pug-face!" she stood staring at me for a few seconds silence filling the air. Then she broke down. She slid down the wall and curled up into a tight ball, I regretted say that. But why should I? She's called me worse, why did I regret it?

"I'm sorry" I said as I sat next to her. She looked at me, frowning.

"Why are you apologising? You're right... I am a pug-face" she cried. This was odd, I don't think I'd even spoken to her in a civil way before. I coughed and the awkwardness increased. Her crying ceased and sat staring out of the window, like she was hypnotised.

"I was exploring"

"What?"

"That's why I was here, exploring"

"Oh" she said, and the silence carried on for what seemed like years.

"I heard you and Malfoy arguing"

"YOU HEARD THAT?" she screeched, I backed off wincing at the pain in my ears. Suddenly she was crying again. "He was right, I am a Harpy" I watched her crying, and realised how fragile she looked. Her short black hair hanging down around her face, black eyes stained with tears, pale skin lit up the moon. She looked... What was wrong with me? This was Slytherin, pug-face, arrogant Pansy Parkinson! Wait, she was fighting with Draco! Maybe she knew what he was up to! Maybe she would tell me.

"Why were you out here?"

"Ugh, I was following Draco" she said, her stuck-up voice still shining through the tears. "He does it all the time. I just want to know what he's doing. He may not have realised it but we were made for each other, I have a right to know!"

"What is he doing?" I was pushing it I knew, but if I could just keep her talking. I wanted to keep her talking because I wanted to find out what Malfoy was doing, that was it. I couldn't help but think that wasn't the reason, as I watched her in this fragile state I came to realise... maybe she wasn't so different from the rest of us.

"I don't know" she sniffed. "All I know is his family has become very close to... to... You Know Who recently and he keeps going into the Room of Requirement"

"Is there any-"

"He just won't tell me anything!" she interrupted, but I didn't mind. "I we used be close, you would be surprised. He always used to be there for me, everyone thinks I'm just his little slut that follows him around. But behind closed doors we used to tell each other everything. Now he's just dismissing me completely. This going to sound strange but... I felt... protected around him." My chest twisted. _Him? _"He used to put to rest all of my worries, but this year... something's going on and I just want to know what!"

"Do you think it has anything to do with...? You Know Who?"

"I think so, but I really hope it isn't" she let out a soft cry. "He'll be in so much danger if it is, none of us know how to please the Dark Lord, or if you can. We are meant to worship him like a God! And Draco is now serving him, I've seen it his... his... thing on his arm. I just used to feel so safe around him and nothing could touch me. And now I feel so alone."

"You don't have to be alone" her head snapped around to look at me in the face and she glared her eyes burning.

"Don't pretend that you care Potter, you have no idea what it's like to be one of us!" she shouted at me, suddenly angry.

"Then tell me!" I shouted back. She was stunned at my forcefulness, I did want to know. I wanted to understand. Why? Why did I want to understand? I saw I few more tear leak from her eyes and onto her face.

"It's nothing you can imagine"

"I'm sure it is" I softy chuckled, recalling some of my experiences in the past. She gave a faint smile and hung her head, probably to mask the slight hint of happiness.

"It's terrifying, mortifying and there's nothing you can do to get rid of it. It's your life, your family and your culture. I would get disowned if I ever tried to defy my family ways, I am a pureblood Potter. There's no way I can escape that. But it used to be ok because I had Draco, my protection, but now I have no idea what to do."

"Imagine having to fight him" she was silent; I knew what she was thinking. "Because that's what I am expected to do"

"I would hate that"

"Yeah, well I don't really like it either" she turned to face me, her black eyes burning into mine. Something that felt like a shock of electricity shot through me, I had never felt anything like it.

"I wish things were different" she whispered, never breaking my gaze.

"I do to"

"Because If they were, I could do this and there would be no consequences" she slowly moved her head towards mine, until our lips touched. We kissed, it wasn't right but it felt good. It felt like I had forgotten who I was and who she was and just, lived. She broke away, saying:

"That was wrong"

"But it was good"

We both knew it couldn't last, and it didn't. It was good for a few weeks, but keeping it a secret wasn't right and in these times downright stupid. And Ginny broke up with Dean and hiding my feelings for her was impossible. But I guess, for those few weeks I felt like my life might be ok. Maybe we only did it to defy the rules, to break away from our totally different and dangerous lives. But I felt alive and ready for anything, and she felt like she had protection and someone to feel safe with. Which was all that mattered.


End file.
